“Emotional Dependence is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength.” (Sue Johnson, PhD)

Have you ever said to yourself or your husband, wife, or partner, “I just don’t understand how we got here?”  If so, you certainly aren’t alone.  As a matter of fact, the question is so common, and so important, that researchers have been focusing on it for years.  Here is what they have concluded:

Distress in relationships occurs as a result of negative interaction cycles; repeating patterns of negative behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. You react to your partner’s reactions and your partner reacts to your reactions and you go round and round in a never-ending cycle.  These powerful cycles are not random, and couples certainly haven’t consciously chosen to create them.  They evolve in relationships over time, and often as a result of past experiences.

Unfortunately, these cycles can be deeply ingrained, such that couples can get caught up in them on a daily, even moment to moment basis.  Once a couple is pulled in to such a cycle, they often lose the ability to connect with one another in meaningful ways, let alone to address much deeper needs and concerns. Understanding and untangling your own negative interaction cycle is the first step in climbing out of relationship distress.